the art of growing

Today I went to the first yoga class I’ve been to in a long while. I sweat (it was a hot yoga class), I slipped (mat hadn’t been cleaned in a while) and I squeezed (the core).

It was a class with meditation, which is also something I’ve been managing to keep up (off and on) since the beginning of the year thanks to my sister’s continual dedication to Headspace (her dedication has gotten me 6 months of a free subscription to the app! Woot! Thanks sis).

During this meditation, which the first time I’ve done one that isn’t guided, I just let the heat wash over me and allowed the feeling of change create the movement in my breath. I have a love-hate relationship with mediation because I’m constantly fighting with myself about how it’s “supposed to work” or how I’m “supposed to feel” in it. Slowly, I’m learning to calm myself and just be. It’s the whole point and all. Just be, and just be me.

I’ve taken much of the summer and stayed a recluse while I’ve been working on Make Yourself Elaborate and launching our shop at the end of the month (finally, it’s been forever) and the focus has really been on me, this business I’ve created, my family (the one B and I are forming) and my mind and body. It’s been a lot. But because I’ve been focusing so hard on these matters about ME, somehow, I haven’t felt overwhelmed.  It’s to the point where I’m in disbelief.

How could I have not seen it? When you focus on yourself and the people and things that matter to you most – the overwhelm slips away?

Is this the big mystery of my 20s that I’ve been trying to figure out – and finally, in my 33rd year of life – it’s really that simple? That’s all I had to do?

I really try hard not to look back and think of regrets, or maybe all the stupid things that I’ve done in my past, or spilled milk I’ve cried over, but sometimes I can’t help but wonder if I’d be in a different place with my business if the focus had been in different areas. But then * I know * I wouldn’t be where I’m at in either my business or my love life – and that would be a whole other regret.

I’m at an exciting time in my life in personal and all business. Things are moving forward, quickly, in all aspects.

A few years ago, I started thinking about this idea to curate a course to help people start their own websites like I did back in the day. I wanted to show them how easy it is to get something up and running and to just go for it and start that business or blog of the thing they had passion for. There was nothing holding them back (well, lots of things hold lots of people back – but I didn’t want technology to be one of the reasons).

So – I had this idea and I talked about it for forever. Then I started to write shit down and plan it out. Then I started to tell clients about it and asked their opinions and if they wanted to be a part of it. Then I found an awesome collaborator in the development aspect that I could trust and lean on to carry through my vision and tackle the (many) challenges I throw his way.

And now? We’re 2 weeks away from launching a brand-new website that caters to a brand-new target audience.

An audience that has no idea what they’re doing in the online world and needs guidance and advice on what the heck to do about it.

I put my site on coming soon this week and since then we’ve had tons of sign ups of people interested in the new theme shoppe and I’m in disbelief. Not because I don’t think these are FABULOUS and amazing websites, but we just haven’t advertised at all and people are already responding. It’s so exciting.

I re-watched the Gilmore Girls reunion on Netflix recently and I didn’t hate it as much as I did last year because I really saw the change happening and growth in a way I didn’t comprehend last year (still hated all the musical numbers in the middle though).  I felt like (as per the original episodes) I am growing as much as Rory (although I’m not pregnant, have a direction in life, have a home and partner) was being forced to in the end. It was different, yet the same somehow. I saw myself as this person who is moving on from a life I’m used to and breaking into this new one, and one I never thought would happen to me.

That’s what’s happening here. New world. New life. New business.